And I thought love would solve everything. But there is no such thing as a knight in shining armor. No one ever rescues you from your own misery. You pray alone for the light to shine through. I thought I would find the answer in your arms. But I didn't. I miss you. But you don't have time to talk to me. I don't know where I lost myself. I ran away. From everything that was familiar. And now, I feel so lost, I don't think I know where to begin. I don't even have the energy to walk. Even as these days go by, I am aware of a dismal cloud which hangs above me which tells me to give it all up. I don't want to listen to it but all I see is darkness. A long time ago, I saw myself, vibrant and happy. And now, my tears scour my face and I can only see the foggy distance. Help me God. I have lost my way. Fear has paralyzed me. I want to run away...far away from obligations, duties and all who I know. How did I become a slave unto my own thoughts. These chains cut through my skin and suffocate me...take me away to a secret place, I do not want to think of anyone or anyplace but oblivion

This is the indelible place I lived

"Destiny is what you have always wanted to accomplish . Everyone , when they are young knows what their destiny is. At that point in their lives, everything is clear and everything is possible. they are not afraid to dream and to yearn for everything they would like to see happen to them in their lives" Paulo Coelho ( The Alchemist)

My Special Journey Towards Understanding Special Children

50 Things I want to Do to make my special children feel "extraspecial"

1) Camp Lee Mar
2) Drama therapy
3) Creative Arts Therapy
4) Play therapy
5) Travel Around the World

BOOKS TO READ

Creative Expression: Dr. John Graham Pole

The Short Bus: A Journey Beyond Normal by Jonathan Mooney ($10.98) Johnathan Mooney was labeled dyslexic and profoundly learning disabled as a child. After he grew up and graduated from Brown University he bought a "short bus" and began traveling the country, meeting with other labeled people and asking, "What is normal"? He tells of thirteen people that he met on this journey whose lives challenged even his ideas of 'normal
Learning Disabilities and Life Stories by Pano Rodis, Andrew Garrod, Mary Lynn Boscardin (47.94) Many people study the different types of learning disabilities and forget the most important part of the study, that these are not just 'disabilities', they are people. Thirteen of these people write autobiographical essays in an attempt to show us what it is like living with learning disabilities and try to shatter the myths that so many people hold on to. Five notable scholars also write essays on the topic. This is for educators, parents, or older students who have learning disabilities.

Laughing Allegra: The Inspiring Story of a Mother's Struggle and Triumph Raising a Daughter with Learning Disabilities by Anne Ford, John-Richard Thompson, Mel Levine ($13.22) The author of this book, Anne Ford, is the mother to a child with severe learning disabilities. She is also the great-granddaughter of Henry Ford. She intertwines their story and the sadness, anger, confusion and eventual triumphs that come with dealing with learning disabilities with helpful insights and information that can help the reader who is dealing with similar problems. She shows that wealth and social status have nothing to do with ones ability to love, accept, and help their child with special needs.

Wrightslaw: Special Education Law, 2nd Edition (Perfect Paperback by Peter W. D. Wright; Pamela Darr Wright ($19.77) This book is wonderful for any parent who needs clearer definitions of special education laws. Pam & Peter Wright are the authors and creators of Wrightslaw.com, which is the first place I go when I have a question about one special education law or another. This book is the second edition and is significantly expanded to include IDEA 2004 as well as the No Child Left Behind Act and Section 504 laws. Nobody who buys this book will be disappointed

Wrightslaw: From Emotions to Advocacy: The Special Education Survival Guide by Peter W. D. Wright, Pamela Darr Wright ($19.55) Can you tell I have a couple of favorite authors when it comes to helping parents be advocates for their children? The Wright team is an amazing resource for parents. This book has some of the same information at the one above, but it is written especially for parents who have not traveled the path of the IEP before. It is great for parents who have experience with IEPs also. This book takes each law and breaks it down, showing how it will benefit your child.

How To Reach And Teach Children with ADD/ADHD: Practical Techniques, Strategies, and Interventions (J-B Ed: Reach and Teach) by Sandra F. Rief M.A. ($21.75) This book is rife with ideas, tools, and strategies for teachers and parents alike. Everyone who works with children will benefit from this book. It does give practical ways to help children with ADD and ADHD realize their potential. The great thing about this book, is that the strategies are really good for all children, even those who are not diagnosed with ADD or ADHD.

SHANDS ARTS IN MEDICINE

Have you ever tried to capture the wind? I am like that zephyr that eludes those who seek to confine it but courses in wanton abandonment through the flute that seeks to make
music. What do I seek in life, what is it that my eyes relentlessly pursue in the horizon of my future…It is this…to experience life in its varied emotions and myriad colors, to partake of life’s ecstatic joy, excruciating agony, endless torment and ultimate liberation
“To see the world in a grain of sand and heaven in a wild flower, to hold infinity in the palm of your hand and eternity in an hour”- William Blake
To wipe the tears of endless grief and suffering from the face of mankind, to bask in the
sunshine of their smiles, hold humanity in my arms during their trials and tribulations and
celebrate euphorically, their victories. To know that I have not lived in vain, that in my
life I had a worthy cause to live for, fight for , die for and be reborn for.The journey began and I took the first step, unsure of the outcome but certain of my conviction, apprehensive of the obstacles but confident in my faith. Senses alive and wild, I ran on the path of life, my eyes capturing the wondrous colors of nature and people, my skin reveling at the touch of the breeze , my body moving to the rhythm of life....and then... I plunged into a tunnel....I looked around in confusion, the laughter dying on my lips. All I saw was darkness. My mind fought against this
imprisonment and I struggled against the vacuum which was devoid of all color, sound
and feeling. I couldn't breathe and I knew I would be strangulated if I didn't find a way. I groped around the walls looking for an escape....there had to be one...every tunnel has an end, every maze has an exit...mine is just around the corner. I kept searching, my mind focused only on the route of escape. Exhausted and worn out, I sat down heavily. It seemed like as though Life had retreated away from here and I was left cold as a stone. Unable to feel, incapable of dreaming. Cringing, writhing. My wings lay folded by my side, the remnants of flight receding from their feathers each day. My heart twisted and bled in agony in fond remembrance of the days gone by. Shackled and weighted down, I knelt at the door of Hope and prayed that I may feel once again and see the way. I could not bear to close my eyes and let my life slip away. My restless hands felt paper and I peered closely in the darkness to behold blank pages and colors. There was some glue, colored buttons, dried flowers, shells, sand, colorful paper, crayons, sketch pens,
paints, brushes, satin ribbons, coarse paper, permanent stamps, water colors and the presence of a nurturing Healer. The warm glow and intention of the Healer made me reach for some paper and my imagination started to color its blank space with the colors of my life, the tears on my cheeks and the pain in my heart. The agony ebbed away as it surfaced on paper. Music filtered through the crevices and the Healer’s hands pulled me to my feet and I felt myself sway to the rhythm, losing my consciousness and my self. Only to find myself, energized and rejuvenated. A smile played on my lips as the Healer blindfolded me and whispered of distant mountains, deep blue seas, green valleys and gurgling rivers. I dreamed of the moon and the stars. I laid my head on the ground and fell into a deep sleep. When I opened my eyes, I saw sunlight filter through the entrance of the tunnel. The weariness and exhaustion that had pervaded my limbs and gripped me feverishly seemed to have vanished with the darkness. I looked around to find the Healer, wondering if it was a figment of my imagination. I saw an unfinished drawing of mountains and a river lying on the ground. Pencils, crayons, shells, colored buttons, glue
and many more objects lay beside it. There was no evidence of anyone else’s presence in
my emotional journey except the unexplainable objects which lay strewn on the ground
and a warm glow deep inside in my heart. I picked them up one-by-one and decided to
keep them with me wherever I travelled. I was ready to let go of my emotional baggage
which had weighed me down and move on with my newfound tools to build my future.

A VISIONARY

I saw you walk down the corridoors of power, the confidence of your voice bringing me to a standstill as it turned heads. Its strange, how your shoulders drew me. Such strength. I wondered whether they would hold me, absorb my tears and lift me up as I struggled alone. The world is harsh and yet, somehow, I know that I shall seek comfort in your arms. I never whispered to anyone of my heart wrenching agony. And yet, when you look at me, your eyes see through me and unveil all my sorrows and I cannot deny this feeling of wanting to cry on your resolute shoulders. Wading through sneers, sniggers, self doubt and contempt, I walk towards my destination. I dreamt of this place all my life. And to give it up is anathema. Should the path of every pilgrim be paved with thorns? Is this the price of worship?Does the kingdom truly belong to those who wear the scourging crown of nettle and thistle?
The pain is excruciating, the journey- a torture. And I stumble ever so often. I close my eyes and feel the touch of your hand on my fevered brow. I know it will be alright. My tears roll down and as you hold them in the palm of your hand, I realize that they were not spent in vain.
I dare not whisper to you what I feel lest you turn your back to me. Oh! To be abandoned by the vision of vigor and determination is to rob me of my will. I would only want to be so wanton and helpless in your arms, not in the embrace of adversity. But even as you contemplete the pages of books, my eyes drink in the sight of you and my lips quiver at the thought of your fingers which innocently trace words.